ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
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