He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
