u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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