You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
