The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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