your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
