Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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