we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
