yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
