i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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