my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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