ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize