I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
