we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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