my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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