the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Too much gin, very little bucket
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
