Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
