i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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