Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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