new low.... made out with someone while peeing
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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