So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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