You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
