If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
