This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
