so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
