just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
