This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize