i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I have fence marks all over my body
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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