Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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