I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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