can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
