If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
