Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
