Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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