you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
