listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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