Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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