threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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