I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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