I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I wish I only lived at night.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
