had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
