At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
