It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I love having hate sex.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize