I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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