apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
