I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize