Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
