my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize
