some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
