Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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