Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I don't deserve a penis
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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