He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
