I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Randomize
