dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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