she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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