i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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