Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
