i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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