Only a mothe r could love this liver
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
