How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
