how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
