im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
