Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
It's rum buckets o'clock
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize