I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
