What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
