I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
