I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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