I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
