mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize