yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
