winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
